Surviving The Hookup Culture

We live in an age where we glorify casual, fast, fun, and fleeting flings. This somehow goes quadruple when we are talking about our romantic relationships. Yeah, I am talking about the dreaded hookup culture. While it's made to seem fun and flirty in every single rom-com we have ever seen, the reality is a little less fabulous. 

Now I do admit, some girls can rock it, which I’m a bit jealous of, while girls like me try it, and quickly realize that it is so not their jam. But how do you know that you are more cut out for a relationship than a casual encounter? Well, let me tell you how it worked out for me.

Hardly a Hookup

I was lonely, in a new city, craving human connection and coming off my first real breakup. This is never the right combination. While I was licking my wounds and attending therapy, I was still craving some sort of emotional validation. So, I did what many twenty-somethings do, re-download all my dating apps and got to swiping. I know, I should have just journaled my feelings down instead, but hey I learned from this!

So there I was just swiping on a Friday when I came across Luis. He was handsome, stylish, and screamed "I'm not trying to be in a relationship" and I thought, "hey this looks great." We exchange messages and low and behold we are meeting up that night in downtown.

Now I must admit, for as pretty as Luis was…he was not much for conversation, and it was clear that he was only here for a good time, not a long time. So we danced, we drank, we bar hopped with friends, and made out in a random club booth. I admit it was pretty epic. And as he walked me to my car and kissed me goodbye after exchanging Instagram profiles and Snapchat usernames, I stupidly thought "maybe this is more than a hookup."

Boy was I wrong.

Thus started about a month of games. Be it reading my messages but not replying, snap chatting me at random hours of the night, or only wanting to hang out with me in lounges and night clubs after the hours of 9 PM…I was pretty much over it. And this is when I decided; hookups are just not for me.

Post-Hookup Haze

In my post-hookup haze, I realized that Luis was just not what I wanted. He was about as deep as a puddle, and I don't even think he knew what I did for my job…or my last name. So in the end, I ghosted him. Yeah yeah yeah I hear you all now, "Ari what? That is not cool!" But dude you would do the same. And honestly, he was defs the type of guy who would have full on ghosted me anyway…. so I beat him to the punch.

But I didn’t just ghost him; I deleted him from Snapchat, un-followed him on Instagram, and deleted my dating app. I was done. Done with accepting invites to go out when there was no daylight, done with "let's get some drinks and dance," done with small talk that was only a vehicle to making out.

This is not to say that Luis was a bad guy. He was perfectly fine…for some other girl. Just not me.  

I mean, let me just give you a taste of the reason why I decided that enough was enough.

The second time I "went out" with Luis, he didn't actually ask me out until 8:00 PM Friday. And this wasn't to make plans for the day time of Saturday, this was to make plans for 10:00 PM Friday night...and I stupidly was like "Yeah let's go!" So I met this fool in downtown LA and met him out our favorite spot, The Library Bar.

I attempted conversation, asking him about his cousin's birthday he went to, maybe attempting to get to know more about him. Alas, this got me nowhere. He was much more interested in dancing and making out then he was in having an actual conversation. So yeah, he was defs not interested in anything deeper than his tongue in my mouth (that was TMI, and I'm not sorry about it). 

So Where Do You Go? 

So where does this leave me? A now 23-year-old woman who is over the casual encounters. Well, that's where I am right now. Ready for something more profound and long-lasting and not willing to settle for the casual and friend-with-benefits relationships some girls my age settle for. And honestly, I'm okay with it.

While I love the idea of sharing my life and growing with someone, I know that it's going to take time. So while hookups no longer appeal to me, this doesn't mean I'm ready to jump head first into the first "serious" relationship that a boy offers me. This just means that I am willing to wait and continue to take my time forming a relationship with myself, arguably one of the most important relationships in life.

So yeah, we all go through our version of the hoe-phase, but we also get over it. I just got over mine quicker than others. And for other girls, who are over hookups, know that you are not the only one who feels this way. Remember that there is no problem in sitting out on a club hookup. There is nothing wrong with wanting something deeper and fulfilling.

Now, this doesn't mean that the guys you attract are all of a sudden going to be homies who are ready to "wife you up" for lack of a better term. You actually may still get fools who are only down for a good time and not a long time. But don't let that dull your spirits, just keep doing you, and the right person will come along when they're supposed to. In the meantime, there is nothing wrong with dating and getting to know people, but just be upfront with what you want. It keeps both you and potential romantic interests from being confused and like you may have wasted time.  

So here’s to us overcoming the hookup culture and wanting something that lasts pass one night! Let me know some of you unfortunate dating circumstances or your thoughts on the hookup culture in the comments below!